Dirty Hipster: It's a disease, not a choice.

We all know that when you go into a small little coffee shop you are going to find the dirtiest of pretentious hipsters behind the counter steaming milk and feeling superior to every single person they have ever crossed paths with.

I know I have always found myself annoyed with that hipster and found myself thinking "Chill dude. You steam milk and pour things into cups. It's not like you're job is really THAT important. It's not like you're an EMT or a blogger."

Then it happened. I became that dirty hipster.

Obviously, it wasn't over night. It was a slow process. I have always been a little "hip" if you will, but never to the severity I am currently experiencing.

When I first started at the coffee shop I was pretty much clueless to anything hipsters obsessed over. 

After a while I was buying a new iPhone. Then a Timbuk2 backpack. Then an iPad. I felt myself slowly understanding the way of the hipster and why the lifestyle was so consuming.

Eventually I found myself obsessing over designer wallets. I needed a Louis Vuitton wallet. I had to have it.

I bought a road bike and upon riding it thought to myself "this is literally so much better than any other bike I have ever ridden"

But, the final stage of the transformation was when I started actually telling people why my new road bike was so superior to their cruisers and mountain bikes.

I froze and pondered aloud....

"What the fuck have I become?!"

That is when I sat down and traced all of these things back....I realized something:

Dirty Hipsters don't get jobs at Coffee Shops.

Coffee Shops turn people into Dirty Hipsters.

I fear there is no turning back and that this is just who I am now. But I have learned the hard way and am able to share my discovery with the world. People be warned, being a Barista will change you.

If only I had had a crystal ball to show what was going to happen to me and how consumed by the dark side I would become so that I may have taken the necessary precautions to not become so loaded down with apple products and a deep rooted boner for dudes with mustaches.

Save yourselves my friends for it is too late for me.