The husband orders a small black coffee and the wife stares at the menu for about a week trying to decided. After a few minutes I ask her if she has decided on a drink yet and she looks me dead in the eyes and asks "Do you support Obama?"
BOOM: Red flag. Don't talk politics with tourists.
I kindly explain to her that I am not a very politically involved person and don't really have much of an opinion on either of the candidates for the upcoming election.
"Well, you need to vote for Romney. He is going to change this country!"
With a big fake smile on my face and a subtle hint of "go the fuck away" in my tone I tell her that due to my lack of knowledge on either candidate and how uneducated I am in the way of politics that I feel it is best that I do not cast a vote because I would be voting blindly and I fail to see how that would be helpful. Which is just my nicest way of saying, I really don't give a fuck. I know I should, but I don't. It is the same way I view personal hygiene and women's rights. Not interested. But even if I were going to vote blindly it sure isn't going to be for Romney. I am holding out for Rip Taylor to run, then I will vote.
She immediately snaps "Well, I REFUSE to buy ANYTHING in this coffee shop because you people support Obama and have an Obama flyer on that wall!"
"Ok ma'am! Have a great day!"
She continues...
"Yes ma'am! Have a great day!"
Still going....
"Of course ma'am! Have a great day!"
At this point Carolyn tries to explain to this bat shit crazy house wife who is clearly from one of the square states that the bulletin board holding the Obama flyer is a board for public use and as long as it isn't crude or offensive, it can go up and will stay up.
The woman finally just walks out and we both just look at each other "The fuck just happened?!' and bust out laughing.
We clearly didn't wait long enough to blatantly laugh at this woman as loud as humanly possible though because she heard us and came flying back in on her broom, looks me up and down and says "That flyer isn't the ONLY reason I refuse to buy coffee from you!"
I strap on my big (at this point very condescending) fake smile, look her in the eyes and simply say "Of course it isn't ma'am! You have a GREAT day!"
Subtle ya crazy bitch. So, you're a die hard republican and you're not headless. Clearly you have spotted that I am a homosexual with your keen observation skills mixed with the fact that I put on my BIG FAT FAGGOT charm the moment you told me to vote for Romney because one, I hoped you would take the hint and realize I would never vote myself into a position of having even fewer rights than I do now and two, just to piss you off.
What kind of a person wanders into an independent coffee house with chalk board menus and the smooth vocal stylings of one Ms. Jenny Lewis coming from the speakers and expects to find ANYONE behind the counter who is going to be all about voting Republican. Are you stupid?
In the future lady, you should know better. All you're going to find working in an independent coffee shop are Liberals, Homosexuals and Witches brewing up fresh batches of steaming free will and the dreaded gay virus.
Perhaps it would be easier for you to just stick to water because leaving your house seems far too stressful for you.
Also, a few hours later we noticed the Obama flyer was gone. I am worried she came back and took it along with a lock of my hair. I don't know what she would do with a lock of my hair but she is the last person I would want to have it in their possession. I've seen The Craft. I know how this goes.
Panic.
You're. So. Awesome.
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