Drifting

Ever have a friend that makes you feel like this?

 

Then one day something changes and you're faced with this?

 

Well, its probably best to call it quits.

Sorry it didn't work out for you and your friend.

I know how you feel.

The Flight of Marty Mcfly

Yesterday I took my first flight back in time. I boarded the plane in 2012 and landed in 1865 on Mackinac Island. I was hesitant to do so due to my severe fear of flying/heights, not to mention the plane that crashed a few weeks ago on its way to the island.

Anyways, I knew the plane was going to small, I just didn't realize HOW small. It was like climbing in to a sardine can, being launched in the air by a sling shot and hoping for the best. I ended up riding the plane with four kids from high school who were on their way home from some sort of sporting event and had clearly done this several times before. For them it was no big deal. For me, however, it was probably the scariest thing I have ever done. I couldn't stop shaking and/or sweating in places I didn't even know I could sweat from.

Great, surrounded by a bunch of 16 year olds who aren't even slightly bothered by this obvious death trap AND they play sports. I have never felt more like a tiny little girl.

And then came the Carriage ride back to my apartment downtown. Which to be honest was almost as scary as the flight. A horse carriage down snow and ice covered hills was really just me holding on for dear life as the carriage slid all over the road at full speed.

So after being gone for six weeks I am finally back home. It was nice seeing all my friends downstate but it's also very nice to be back in my own bed where privacy allows me to sleep in my underwear, drink coffee in my underwear and dance in my underwear. Six weeks of having to wear pants at all times can really bring a guy down.

Crossing Paths

Have you ever had that night out when you're having a good time, everything is going awesome and you just can't wait to update your facebook status to make your friends jealous about how exciting your life is even though you know, they know and you know they know that in reality your life is pretty average if not boring at best, and then it happens. You spot an ex. You become silent and your eyes glaze over because your mind is on over drive trying to calculate a game plan and evaluate your life to find something about yourself to present that will sort of say "I'm totally doing great and this isn't awkward at all" with out actually saying it. Should you go at it alone or with friends at your side...with friends. But then you start second guessing your friends and how they make you look by association. You pick the ones that you can trust and send the others to the bar for another round which is you secretly screaming "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WEAR THAT SHIRT TONGIHT?!" You find your gem of a life lesson or event, put on a brave face and wait for it to happen. No, you don't make the first move. You wait until you can just happen to bump in to them and pretend to be surprised to see them, hoping they didn't see you go into vegetative state while you plotted and scripted the entire thing.

Then it finally goes down. On your way to smoke a cigarette with your fleet of trusted friends you cross paths. In your head everything is perfect and you will totally come out looking like a really awesome person who should have never been let go.

You open your mouth and feel like this:

 

Then they introduce you to their new girlfriend/boyfriend and you try to keep your cool but fumble with your words, start sweating and turn into this:

 

Finally the small talk is over and you walk away from them feeling defeated.

 

Naturally you return to the bar and drink a lot more whiskey than you had planned and over analyze everything that just happened. By the time you leave the alcohol has taken over and you realize that your ex views you like this:

 

So what now? You allow your self esteem to get its ass beat in an unfair bar fight, go to taco bell and order everything twice, go home and watch this video on repeat until you have eaten your body weight in processed meat and hated your self as much as possible. 

 

 Hope everyone had a good valentines day!

There is a reason it's called "Never" Land.

I have been coach surfing my way around the state of Michigan for about six weeks now. I have visited and spent time with a lot of people that I have not seen in years and it has triggered a chain of thoughts that could be compared to the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Basically, I see how people I grew up with have grown into adults. Some of them are having kids, getting married, buying cars and businesses, etc. Initially I wondered what the fuck they were thinking? I mean, we're too young for that right? These are things we should be doing in ten years....right?! Well, no. I'm the jack ass here.

It made me realize something. Something I probably always knew and didn't want to admit. Something I can no longer avoid and need to finally make changes to. What did I realize? I realized that I am not Peter Pan and it's time to grow the fuck up and make some adult decisions with my life. Did I actually think I was Peter pan? No you ass. It's called a complex.

One of my friends said to me a couple of weeks ago "Let's meet up for a drink. I can't wait to hear all about your adventures!" Well ok, I have been having a good time with my life up to date for the most part but I have also dodged adult hood left and right like it was the plague. Not really an adventure.

If you had asked me five years ago what I thought I would be doing when I was 23 years old I would have told you I would be an art school graduate, own a studio in the city and developed the ability to fly. Realistic? No, but it was my goal to work towards and still is. However, I have done nothing to work towards that goal. I spent the last four years moving back and forth between Seattle and Mackinac Island every six months. I have made awesome friends but other than that I have made no personal developments.

The funny thing is that when I was younger adults always told me I was mature. Which made me feel mature and oddly superior to my peers. Too bad it probably stunted my ass and kept me from developing mentally or maturing beyond my 18 year old self. Normal young adult experiences and mistakes that come with time: The Tortoise. My elitist and self proclaimed fully developed mind and view of the world and how it works: The Hare. I. Fucking. Lose.

"The Tortoise and the Hare (also known as The Hare and the Tortoise) is a fable. The story concerns a hare who ridicules a slow-moving tortoise and is challenged by him to a race. The hare soon leaves the tortoise behind and, confident of winning, decides to take a nap midway through the course. When he awakes, however, he finds that his competitor, crawling slowly but steadily, has arrived before him." (For anyone who doesn't understand the reference).

Anyways, it has all made me realize I need to focus on my goal and work towards it. These things are not just going to magically happen for me.


It's time to say good bye to the lost boys, put my green tights away and strap on my business bonnet.