Wub Wub Of Doom

Have you ever given anything thought to the side effects of modern day trends? Not like in Josie and The Pussycats where everyone was being brainwashed, I am talking like legit mental and physical health damage.

Let's talk about Dubstep for a minute. First of all, I don't really get it. What the fuck is dubstep? Isn't it basically just techno with a very predictable bass drop? It's not like we don't see it coming so why is it more exciting than regular techno? You don't get on a roller coaster and then get off going "Whoa man, I had no idea that first hill was going to be so intense!" Uhm duh and or hheellooooo. Anyways, me not understanding dubstep or its mass appeal is not my point. My point is the side affects it has on people.

1. They seem to lose any sort of color to their skin. Like they looked into the eyes of a basilisk and instead of going rigid they just lost any good taste in music.

2. The hair gets greasy. 'Nuff said.

3. Somehow their wrists diminish to about fifty percent their natural size. Don't believe me? Go to your nearest Hot Topic and grab the nearest obvious dubstep fan and take a look at their wrists. It is like their arms have been replaced with the branches from a willow tree.

4. The only adjectives they seem capable of using are words that should only be describing piles of garbage or dead babies. (filthy, sick, etc) They probably realize that is exactly how most people describe their music and are trying to make these words have a more modern day positive slang meaning (was that even a sentence?! You know what I mean...) so that eventually society will get confused and not know whether the people they are talking to actually like dubstep or not. Empires will fall and all the kittens will burst into flames.

5. This is the last and final sign that they are ill, when the hair on half of their head vanishes. There is no way of telling if this is an act done by choice or if it just falls out. We will probably never know for sure since it always seems to happen during the night when these kids are out snorting glow sticks and drinking code red mountain dew with other minors in someones garage.

If you or someone you know suffers from any of these symptoms, please see a doctor so you can start treatment.

Make an appointment today before it is too late. There is help out there and until we make the first move and tell our friends they suck and it's time to knock this shit off, it will only escalate.

My goal is to find a well known celebrity who has suffered from this epidemic and recovered and then get the rights to a Sarah McLachlan (because we all know that is the only way people will listen) to help spread my message of hope and salvation.

Skrillabeetus. It's never too late.