Game On.

A few weeks ago Megan watched some insanely attractive dude hit on me.

I showed no interest.

He tried again.

No response from me.

He put his hand on mine and said "Lets go outside and smoke" in a way that was clearly meant to be flirtatious

What did I do? I through cigarettes at him and told him to have at it then ran away.

When the fuck did I become a celibate nun....? I mean, I know I put my little guard up because I am insecure...blah gay blah...don't want to get hurt, gay blahblah feelings. But I mean come on, man!

So, after a discussion and a few (all of the) beers Megan and myself have decided it is time for me to enroll at Whore Academy. The professor: Megan. The student: Cody.

I'm sure you're thinking "Oh sweet baby jesus this can not possibly end well." and you are probably correct.

Either way, being a good guy is fun and all but getting laid is more fun. So, Megan will be the Obi Wan to my Luke Skywalker and teach me the ways of proper lightsabering. 

The main reason for this decision is that for the sake of my own well being I have to stop being so damned sensitive. Like most of you know at this point, I am a magnet for the sexually confused and socially awkward. I have crossed paths with far too many dudes who decide to tell me in secret that they think they may love the peen and expect my guidance. Well due to my oddly misplaced maternal instinct I always care and want to help. Which leads to me developing feelings and then getting rejected when they have finally become comfortable and found some other dude.

I am basically the walking gay version of a Molly Ringwald film, and I will have no more of it. I am done being a tour guide through the Butt Secks Theme Park. No, I'm not even a tour guide. I don't get to ride the rides or see the attractions. I am the janitor. I clean up garbage and direct traffic. Fuck. That.

Now, I am not saying I plan to become some thunderous whore monster. But I am done putting so much emotion into everything. It seems like everyone is too self involved or blissfully unaware to what is happening to realize when I am like "yo mofo, my heart has a boner for you."

So in conclusion, Mr. Listen to you talk about your feelings and offer advice and guidance has retired. But, he can do house calls for those who have paid their dues and put in the time. Mr. I am super charming and ready to get down to business is taking the wheel on this struggle bus.