Basically, I see how people I grew up with have grown into adults. Some of them are having kids, getting married, buying cars and businesses, etc. Initially I wondered what the fuck they were thinking? I mean, we're too young for that right? These are things we should be doing in ten years....right?! Well, no. I'm the jack ass here.
It made me realize something. Something I probably always knew and didn't want to admit. Something I can no longer avoid and need to finally make changes to. What did I realize? I realized that I am not Peter Pan and it's time to grow the fuck up and make some adult decisions with my life. Did I actually think I was Peter pan? No you ass. It's called a complex.
One of my friends said to me a couple of weeks ago "Let's meet up for a drink. I can't wait to hear all about your adventures!" Well ok, I have been having a good time with my life up to date for the most part but I have also dodged adult hood left and right like it was the plague. Not really an adventure.
If you had asked me five years ago what I thought I would be doing when I was 23 years old I would have told you I would be an art school graduate, own a studio in the city and developed the ability to fly. Realistic? No, but it was my goal to work towards and still is. However, I have done nothing to work towards that goal. I spent the last four years moving back and forth between Seattle and Mackinac Island every six months. I have made awesome friends but other than that I have made no personal developments.
The funny thing is that when I was younger adults always told me I was mature. Which made me feel mature and oddly superior to my peers. Too bad it probably stunted my ass and kept me from developing mentally or maturing beyond my 18 year old self. Normal young adult experiences and mistakes that come with time: The Tortoise. My elitist and self proclaimed fully developed mind and view of the world and how it works: The Hare. I. Fucking. Lose.
"The Tortoise and the Hare (also known as The Hare and the Tortoise) is a fable. The story concerns a hare who ridicules a slow-moving tortoise and is challenged by him to a race. The hare soon leaves the tortoise behind and, confident of winning, decides to take a nap midway through the course. When he awakes, however, he finds that his competitor, crawling slowly but steadily, has arrived before him." (For anyone who doesn't understand the reference).
Anyways, it has all made me realize I need to focus on my goal and work towards it. These things are not just going to magically happen for me.
It's time to say good bye to the lost boys, put my green tights away and strap on my business bonnet.
I know you don't, but I'll say it anyway. Don't regret the way you've spent your life thus far. Change is good and it's made much easier by reconciling it with past actions.
ReplyDeleteBesides, adulthood is the facade society gives to the phrase "winging it". Not to say we don't build who we are and there's nothing we can do, but just that sometimes where we end up is so far from where we thought we'd be, but is exactly what makes us happy.
I guess I have to sign my name since I don't have an account...or should I make you guess?
Yea, I know these things but it sucks to get so far off track. And no, I have no idea who you are.
ReplyDeleteCody, reading your blog is making me nostalgic of our times on the island. If you ever want to expand your horizons and come to Austria (and as an artist you should come here, there is so much to see), I will make it my mission to show you a good time. :) I always find traveling gives you a sense of direction in life and makes you appreciate everything you have. :) I miss you, dollface LOVE, Marty
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